Ping Pong/Script
''Opening Sequence'' :Jake: Hey, you're watching Ja— :Amir: Please, please, please tell me where you bought those jeans. :Jake: Why now? :Amir: Why not? Episode :(Jake is playing ping pong with someone. He wins.) :Jake: Game, set, snatch. That's what you are, man. Get out—don't—hey, bow to me. Bow—come on, hey! :(Amir comes in) :Amir: Hey, lemme play. :Jake: No way. I'm not playing you on account of you suck and I don't want to play you. :Amir: Come on! :Jake: Fine, let's go. You serve first. :(Amir serves, and Jake misses the ball) :Jake: Alright, your serve then. :Amir: I just served. :Jake: Yeah, well we rallied for serve! Now it's your serve. :(Amir serves, and Jake's return goes wide) :Jake: Alright, I was not ready, I was talking. I was in the middle of a f**king sentence. I'm ready. Go. :(Amir serves, Jake returns and Amir catches the ball) :Jake: Damn. My point, my point. You caught it. :Amir: It was long! :Jake: Yeah, you hit it, that's my point. :Amir: So if I hit it into your body, then that's my point. :Jake: Yes. That's how ping pong works. It's called listening. 101. :(Amir hits the ball into Jake) :Jake: Alright. 2-0, me. :Amir: Why? :Jake: It was an illegal serve. If you don't know how to serve, then don't play the game. :Amir: Fine. :(Amir serves, Jake returns, and Amir hits the ball into Jake) :Jake: Ow, my point. 3-0. :Amir: It hit you! :Jake: It grazed me! :Amir: You said "ow". :Jake: 3-0. Gimme the ball, my serve. :Amir: You gave me the ball. (In fact he did not; the ball teleported from Jake's hand to Amir's in between shots) :Jake: Well give it back. :(Amir tosses the ball and Jake fumbles it) :Jake: Bad throw. (Bends down to get it and hits his head on the table) Ow! Aw! You're an anus. But uh, sneak attack! (Serves, and the ball goes long) :Amir: Hey! Okay. :Jake: Alright. Give it up! :Amir: But you just served. :Jake: It was a joke! I was kidding! Give it... (Amir tosses the ball back) Alright, 4-0. That counts now. 5-0. 5-0, not getting the joke penalty. Sorry Sally Jessica Rafael. That one's lost on you. Here it is. (Serves) :Amir: ... Sally Jessica Rafael. :(Amir wins the rally) :Jake: Alright. Across the table but I'll give it to you. :Amir: Wait what do you mean, cross the—? :Jake: Doesn't matter what I mean, cause I said I'd give it to you, didn't I? :Amir: Yeah. :Jake: You need to learn how to be funny, man. I'm sorry, you need to learn how to be funny. 6-nil, you get one point for being a bitch. This one's for the skunk, though. :Amir: The skunk? :Jake: Skunk! It's an 11-1 game. But hey, if you don't know that brotha, you're already skunked. Later. (Serves the ball, into the net) F**k! (Whips the racket in a random direction) :Woman offscreen: Ow! ''Outro'' :Jake: I feel bad, but I don't have to feel that bad, cause I smahsed my face on the table before. Alright? And trust me, that would hurt me more than it hurts you. Okay. Uh, this is a re-serve for the skunk. Here we go. (Serves the ball, and evidently misses) Alright, I was talking!